Just because something makes us feel angry, it does not follow that we should immediately express it.
Anger is a hostile emotion, and like all hostile impulses, should be controlled.
Reacting angrily will most certainly escalate an already difficult situation.
Angry feelings serve as a warning light indicating something is wrong with the situation, or the way we are looking at it.
It is common to assume the problem is in the outer circumstance, as opposed to our inner processing of it.
More often though, the real problem is with our interpretation of the situation.
Generally we assume negative intent, when that is simply not the case.
I continue to believe most people are good, and if they have done something to upset you, they did not mean to (unless, of course, you are in the heat of a battle).
Teens neglecting chores, careless drivers, someone forgetting a birthday — these are all human errors.
But if we react with anger we will set in motion a more difficult, and perhaps far reaching set of consequences.
People who feel wronged somehow feel they have the right to hostility, using their words and angry energy as a weapon to retaliate.
Generally, a more civilized, co-operative approach works better than confrontation.
Assume the best. Assume the person is unaware they are upsetting you, and let them know gently.
Often they will respond with gentleness, and the situation can be healed or resolved on the spot.
Not only will everyone feel better, but relationships have not been damaged, you have maintained your integrity, and the world is a little better place because of it.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist.
