The role of Canadian fathers in a family has seen colossal changes in the last 30 or so years.
In the past, fathers were outsiders when babies were born.
The man’s role was to chauffeur the expectant mother to the hospital, wait outside the delivery room, and pass out cheers when the doctor declared that mother and child were in the clear.
Today, when babies are born, fathers are expected to be in the delivery room to feel the release of emotion in the birth experience with the mother.
He has to experience the joy as well as the bawling on seeing the new life come into the world.
Being a parent today also means the dad playing an active role in the daily physical and emotional life of his children.
This new code of behaviour means the corporate warriors are supposed to go home to be with their children.
And mothers, while still keeping the home fires burning, also have to work outside the home for economic survival as well as advancing their own careers.
If men are competent to parent, what stops them from engaging in more family work?
While many men may want to be more involved, they have not been prepared for extensive roles in parenting, either through family socialization or formal education.
In our post-industrial culture, getting back to the involved father role demands an act of pioneering for most men.
Men must figure out how to balance breadwinner and nurturer roles and bring up the next generation with values that will serve the kids well.
This requires a leap not only in conscious attitudes and behaviours, but also the implicit gut-level assumptions about what is appropriate for the children.
What does the church have to say to men today that will help them make the leap into fatherhood?
The most important resource for helping a man become a caregiving father is probably sitting right next to him in the pew.
Some pre-parenting support at the church and community levels could help both the parents to prepare.
Changing behaviour by helping men realize the benefits to their own psychological health is a good first step for churches to take.
Not only do men who are involved in day-to-day care of children reap real benefits, but their children are helped by male nurturing as well.
Benefits for the children of caregiving fathers are well documented.
Fathers provide a distinct model of male behaviour for children which is different from mothers.
Children who have a caregiving father have advantages over those with traditional fathers.
Adjusting our perceptions of how families work does not necessarily mean altering church doctrines or Biblical theology.
However, discovering how the community our church serves has altered, may call for adaptation of style and behaviour.
Taking the time to consider what we can do to help individuals meet new expectations will make our congregations a place of leadership in the community.
Patterns help predict the future. The future includes men with their children. That is good news for husbands, wives and children.
Being relevant to busy couples who want to put family first means helping them move beyond the traditional role models of the 1950s and move with the new needs of families in the 21st century.
If the church updates the caricature of families past with the realities of families in the present, it will give the church the opportunity to continue influencing them in the future.
Narayan Mitra is the pastor of the Merritt Baptist Church. [email protected]
