In the spirit of the RCMP’s CounterAttack checkstop season, the service’s headquarters sent stories of some unusual encounters with impaired drivers my way.

One story includes a man who stops at a roadblock and fails a breathalyzer test. A few minutes later, a taxi pulls up and out steps his wife. The woman tells officers the two were coming home from a party, and he decided to drive while she took a cab. How’s that for an “I told you so.”

Another woman pulled right up to a police officer who was sitting in his marked police car on the shoulder of Highway 99, north of Squamish, to ask for directions. She was looking for the highway she was on and a town she’d already passed. The constable had her pull over, at which point she again asked where the highway was.

In Winnipeg, a local newspaper publishes the names of everybody charged with driving under the influence during the road check campaign. The city’s police force says it wants that measure to be a deterrent, and the potential shame of having your name on that public list could make people think twice about driving under the influence.

December also means the release of the Chatham, Ont. police force’s list of the dozen most ridiculous calls for service they receive.

At the top of last year’s list is a 20-year-old man who called 911 to have police moderate a dental hygiene dispute he was having with his father. The man’s father wanted him to brush his teeth, but the caller didn’t want to. With emergency intervention, the man was eventually convinced it was a good idea.

Some other gems from last year’s list include a woman who wanted to report a duck attack — as in, she reported she was attacked by a duck; a caller who was mad at a local radio station for reporting the weather incorrectly; and a report about a suspicious-looking squirrel on a man’s front porch.

That last caller might be a tad paranoid, but when you consider the weird crime stories out there, maybe he’s on to something. Take these examples from reports last week.

Police in Texas commended a woman for fighting off a would-be burglar by flinging hot wax in his face. She was carrying the wax and other beauty supplies (makeshift weapons) home from her salon. (I’m not convinced it would’ve been very hot as that stuff cools down quite quickly, but it’s an entertaining story.)

In South Carolina, a man stabbed his brother after an argument about what silverware to use. I hope they decided against the set from which he borrowed the knife he used on his sibling.

A Florida dad was arrested for inciting a fight between his teenaged son and another boy, then jumping in when his son started to lose. The man allegedly punched the other kid in the face and is charged with felony child abuse.

A man was arrested on the ferry he managed to board from its dock in Seattle, start up somehow, and steal by letting it drift into a bay for several hours. A SWAT team eventually caught up with the slow-moving thief, boarded the vessel and arrested him. The ferry service makes daily runs from Seattle to Victoria, and the company operating the popular tours says it’s reviewing safety measures after the incident.