What do we do when it feels as though our whole world is coming crashing down around us? This feeling can come as a result of external circumstances, but it can also be triggered by inner mood shifts. At such times, life seems incredibly hard, and a future filled with that kind of pain seems utterly unbearable. There is a feeling either of hopelessness, or an urgency to change the external situation. Sometimes there is an urge to escape, either through death or addictive behaviours including alcohol, drugs, work, and perhaps even eating or television. Notwithstanding the fact there may truly be a need for some concrete life changes, let us look at how we can deal with the sense of emotional devastation in the short term.

Remember how we all learned that if we find our clothes on fire, we should not run, but instead we need to “drop and roll”. To run would only fuel the flames, and we could not run away from the fire because it is right there with us. Dropping to the ground and rolling removes the oxygen source, without which the fire cannot continue. When we have emotional pain, and we try to run from it, we similarly fuel that pain. We are not doing anything to alleviate it. When we formulate catastrophic expectations and worst case scenarios, we add fuel to the fire. When we berate ourselves we fan the flames. Emotional pain is generally not extinguished as easily as a fire might be, but we can learn how to survive it, and how to control it.

Ironically, the best way to handle these feelings is to accept them, and allow ourselves to feel the pain for a while. It is not the time to abandon ourselves. Even if we feel we have been rejected, abandoned or betrayed, it is not the end of the world. Even if we cannot find anything to like in ourselves or our situation, it is not the end of the world. These situations may force us to see we must make changes, but change is always possible. If we realize we must take a new path, we must remember there will be new people and situations there, and there could be a bright new world waiting just around the corner.

There would have been little progress for the human species if there had not always been individuals who were willing to venture into the unknown. We all have the capacity within us. The unknown aspects of our own consciousness, or our own potential futures, can seem as daunting as the wilds of Africa, or the jungles of South America. But we can call upon the traditions of our ancestors to give us the strength to explore beyond the safety of our known circumscribed reality.

Someone once said that faith is knowing, as you hold desperately to the edge of the cliff, that if you let go one of two things will happen. Either there will be someone there to catch you, or you will be shown how to fly. Know that whatever happens for you, you can choose to be all right. Things may be different, perhaps even hard, but you can still be all right. Don’t ever forget that. All right?

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist.  For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or CDs, visit www.gwen.ca